2.25 Officially Unsure

Sun's pregnancy quickly becomes official. She's not really sure how to feel. 

Outwardly at least, neither is Tula. 

"Thanks for letting me do homework over here," Tula says to her cousin, Gregory, "Things at my house are kind of weird right now."

"Uh, no problem." Gregory stares at his homework. He scratches his head, trying to find a delicate way to ask what he overheard his mom discussing over the phone with his uncle, Tula's dad; his new cousin. 

Tula sighs, sensing his discomfort, "You probably want to know about the new baby, right? Everyone does," she grumbles. Lately it seems everyone at school is hedging around her. She found out later that Guy, in typical absent minded fashion, told their homeroom class about their impending family member. With the size of Appaloosa Plains being what it is, soon everyone knew. 

She's not really sure why having a younger brother or sister would make her uncomfortable, but that's what everyone seems to be assuming. Tula figures she'd better roll with it. Her best guess about the uneasy buzz is that it's because her sibling will be from someone who isn't her mother. 

Honestly, though, why should she care? Her mother is gone. Even if she weren't, she and her father might not be together by this point. It's impossible to know. No use ruminating on what could have been. 

Gregory shifts in his seat, "Sorry, I didn't mean to offend you..." 

Tula, in an attempt to salvage the conversation, sighs and rearranges her features to look apologetic and regretful, "No, I'm sorry. It makes sense that you'd want to know, it-er, I mean the new baby's your cousin and all." 

"Still, it's um...a big change to adjust to and everything," Gregory panics at the sight of his cousin's downcast expression. Is she going to cry? He'd hate himself if he made her cry... 

"Yeah, it is. Soon my dad's going to be pretty busy," she says with a defeated sigh, "And everything's going to be chaotic and just...ugh, it's horrible to say, but I'm kind of scared that I'm just going to be on the backburner, you know?" 

She blinks back non-existent tears, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't be laying this all on you. Every kid feels like this when they have new siblings, right?" she says with a watery smile. 

Gregory stares despondently at the table. He has two younger brothers, one not much younger than he is, and the most recent addition who's barely old enough to crawl. He knows exactly how Tula feels. 

Tula closes her eyes for a moment and sighs, "You have younger siblings. What's it like?" she asks, an edge of despair to her voice. 

She just wants to hear that it'll be ok, Gregory chides himself. He's not sure what it is, but something makes him want to cheer her up so badly. 

"It's ok," he says, trying to seem non-chalant, "Omar can be a pain in the ass, but what sibling isn't? Always getting into my stuff... but actually mom is home a lot more because of him, since she doesn't want him to be raised by babysitters, so I see her more often..." 

The front door opens and closes, as if marking Gregory's words. 

"Hey guys," Xara's upbeat voice greets from the entrance, "Doing homework?" 

Xara looks down at her nearly completed essay, "Eh, pretty much done," she says with sparkling eyes and an easy smile. Gregory stares at her, perplexed. How does she change so easily? Then again, with everything she'd been through, it made sense... she's used to putting on a brave face. 

"Oh let me help you with that," Tula offers, seeing her aunt struggle with armloads of groceries. She pushes herself away from the table and walks over to the front door, holding it wide open for Xara and her groceries. 

"Thanks, nice to know someone helps me around here," Xara says with a pointed glance in Gregory's direction. 

"B-but I'm doing homework!" he splutters "This essay is due tomorrow and-,"

Xara just laughs, earning a grumble from her son. Of course she'd end up having a sulky honors student as a son. It reminds her so much of her younger brother... 

After all the groceries are unloaded, Xara pulls Tula to the side for some small talk. Truth be told, after Paolo told her his news, she was a bit worried about how Tula and Guy would handle the sudden change. But staring at Tula's exuberant expression with her free smile and wide eyes, she wonders if there's anything to be concerned about. She's always been strong. 

"School's going great," Tula responds to her aunt's inquiries about her academics, "I'm in all honors classes and I think I'll be getting into advanced placement next year. I was thinking of maybe joining the soccer team later, but I'm not sure if I'll have time with school and the new baby..." 

Xara notes Tula's slight deflation at the last word, and nods. She puts a hand on Tula's shoulder. 

"Hey kiddo, listen... if things at home ever get too crazy for you or for Guy, you're always welcome here, ok? Any time, really." 

Xara's heart breaks a little when Tula looks up at her with shining eyes and a small, shy smile. 

"You...you really mean that? I-I don't know what to say...Thank you!" she throws her arms around her aunt, taking her by surprise. 

"Oof. Haha, no need to thank me. Anything for family," Xara laughs, returning the hug. How in the world did her niece manage to be so sweet with all the chaos in her life? A not so minor miracle, that was for sure. 

Having to be on maternity leave was the last straw for Sun's already souring science career; she didn't quit in the end, but was fired. She feels detached from everything except for an electric nervous energy. It fills her veins with a low but constant buzzing, separating her from her surroundings. Nothing she touches really connects with her. 

This is it. She is bound here forever. She can never be independent again. 

It's a simple fact to accept, and yet every time Sun thinks about it, she feels all sense of reality ebb away from her. She can get a new job, but she will always have this child. She will never have time to herself again. She will have to chain herself to her baby, and she'll be at home smiling at her child, reading bedtime stories, singing lullabies... it will be idyllic but it will be a lie. 

She feels some tears well up. She wants her old life back. 

But she can't. She's trapped.

Paolo, on the other hand, has been willingly spending more time at home. It's as if this new child has snapped him out of his "work, eat, sleep, exercise" routine and driven him back here. If Guy were less worried about all this homework he doesn't understand, he might have noticed Paolo's increased presence. 

What he does notice, even if only vaguely, is Paolo's sudden interest in his life. 

"Are you thinking about joining any clubs? Maybe a sport?" Paolo asks, trying to sound casual. How did all this time slip by? He could've sworn the kids just started high school, and here they are already halfway through. Tula's already talking about advanced placement classes and joining activities. It reminds him- almost unbearably- of his older sister Tulip at her age. 

"Um I was thinking of trying out for the soccer team like Tula," Guy lies. He's not sure why he's lying. He's never done an after school activity before and no one cared. Why didn't he just shrug and say he didn't want to join anything? 

Paolo nods approvingly. "Good, it's important to keep in shape." He chews a bite of his cheeseburger thoughtfully. 

"Any plans for after high school yet?"

"What is this, interrogate-Guy-day? I dunno," Guy says, uncharacteristically snappy. 

"What don't you know?" Tula plops down next to Guy, only catching the tail end of his sentence. "If it's homework, I can always help out." 

Her leg brushes up against his under the table. He moves it away, she moves hers closer. 

Guy squirms uncomfortably, "It's no big deal," he squeaks. 

Tula shrugs, her features relaxed. She takes a languid bite from her lunch, "If you say so." 

Guy quickly abandons the table and scurries off to his bedroom. 

"He seems a bit jumpy," Paolo remarks. 

"Maybe it was something you said," Tula says with another shrug, reaching for her burger. 

"I was just asking him about his plans for the future..."

"Well that explains why he was confused," Tula says, standing up and clearing her plate away, "He's probably not used to you caring." 

The words are said casually, as if she's just talking about the weather, but they cut deeply. Paolo doesn't meet his daughter's eyes, but he's completely frozen in his chair. He can't deny his lack of involvement in their lives, and the shame is paralysing. 

Tula scoffs at her father's lack of response, but puts her dishes away without another word. His guilt is not her problem. 

He gets dressed and tends to the garden outside. He wishes badly that he could take all of that lost time back. How long did he "check out" for? How does he connect with Tula and Guy again? 

He sighs deeply and wipes away the moisture gathering in his eyes. No apology can make up for what he's done and he knows it. 

So how does he fix it? How can he move forward? 

Nothing but guilt and despair seem to answer him. 

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AN: Short update, the next chapter(s) should be quite a bit longer. 

2.24 Intruding

Guy cries at the new waste of money  beautiful machine of science that Sun brought with her. 

All that advancement...so wonderful! So... expensive. 

Once he gets over its astronomical price, he gets distracted by the fancy looking console. 

Oooh, science! 

He's just randomly tapping buttons, but what if he discovers something? What if he finds the cure to some disease? 

What if he could make a clone? That would be cool! 

Meanwhile downstairs, Sun is freaking out about an imperfect clone of her own. 

She's pregnant. 

The initial wave of panic becomes a deep sense of dread. She wasn't supposed to stay here forever. Carrying Paolo's baby makes her living situation- and her life- so much more complicated. She was going to quit her job and put her engineering degree to use after finding a place and saving up a little. Now she has a child to provide for. She does. She can't imagine Paolo wanting to play house with a woman he just started dating. Plumbob, she was so stupid! Why did she move in with a guy she's barely seeing seriously? He even has two kids! 

How is Paolo going to feel about all of this? 

Then another thought hits her; she never even broke it off with the other guy she was seeing. He might think the kid is his! 

Sun buries her face in her hands. What is she going to do? 

Tula walks in and sees Sun hurry dramatically out the front door. She arches an eyebrow; something tells her that Sun's going somewhere interesting. 

This warrants an investigation. 

Anxiety and panic lancing through her veins, Sun half walks, half sprints into the art gallery. She's going to break it off with Michael. They haven't seen each other in a while, but not long enough for it to be mathematically certain that this baby isn't his. Sun knows it probably isn't, but that "probably" isn't too reassuring. 

No need to tell Michael though. Telling him would then require telling Paolo that the baby might not be his and...and... 

Too complicated! She has a plan. She just needs to follow it. 

Michael smiles at Sun as she greets him, stumbling through small talk. She seems nervous- more so than usual- and he wonders what it could be. He might have picked up a knack for sniffing unease as a journalist, but Sun isn't too hard to read. Her hands fidget by her sides and her smile seems tense. 

Once Sun finally gets through her little questionnaire, Michael opens his mouth to speak. "What's wrong, Sun? You seem like you want to tell me something." 

Sun smiles- still a bit unnaturally, Michael notices- and says in a quick jumble, "I've uh started seeing someone- well, er, moved in with him- and I think we should stop dating." 

Michael isn't too pleased about this. 

"We date for a year and you just start seeing someone without telling me?" 

Sun flinches. When Paolo went AWOL, she just sort of...continued things with Michael. It wasn't ever serious, at least she didn't think so. 

"But you never asked me to be your girlfriend," she says innocently. 

Michael stares at her, astounded, "We both weren't seeing anyone else! We even talked about this, remember?" 

Her face flushes. They did, one particularly romantic night when they went camping under the stars together. She might have possibly got caught up in the moment, and made a few promises about their relationship that she didn't ever think about following up on... 

Aside from disinterested art gallery visitors, there is one witness to Sun's spectacular screw-up. 

Tula can't really hear what they're saying through this glass, but she doesn't need to. It's obvious from the way the man looks at Sun that they're involved, or used to be anyways. He seems quite angry with her. 

She stares, dispassionately but engaged, as Sun waves her hands around, probably in an attempt to get the man to lower his voice. She's embarrassed of this interaction. Tula wonders why; sure, Sun is with her dad, but by making such a big deal out of it, she's only inviting attention. Besides, why would her dad care that Sun's seeing someone else? As far as Tula knows, they haven't agreed to any terms of commitment yet, beyond the normal responsibilities of a housemate. And even if they did, Sun should either revise the terms or not make such a big fuss about it. Simple. 

She watches with mild confusion as the man reaches up to touch Sun's face, only to have his hand roughly swatted away. Is he angry or sad? Rough or tender? It's hard to tell. 

She obviously has more to learn about romantic interpersonal relationships. She takes out her phone and snaps a few pictures, wanting to have both evidence and data from this particular case-study. 

After coming home, Tula uploads the photos of the secret meeting from her phone onto a USB stick. Who knows when this could come in handy? 

Sun comes home not long after, and goes upstairs to talk to Paolo. Her resolve to announce their impending bundle of joy fizzles when she sees that he's fast asleep. 

She glances at his dresser, which becomes staring when she notices the pictures of Krista. Everyone heard about what had happened to her. Hell, Sun's sister was one of the paramedics that saw Krista...dead. Nakisha had told Sun in a low, somber tone that she had never seen so much blood in her life, that sometimes she still felt guilty about being too late. 

And somehow, knowing that, Krista had never been brought up between Sun and Paolo. The tiny town's first murder in Watcher-knows-how-long and they just...never spoke of it. He was married to her, and has a daughter with her, but he never talks about Krista. 

It shouldn't bother her. It's been years since then, and maybe Paolo just wanted to move on, but the thought persists. What if she's pregnant with the child of a man hung up on someone else? What if she's intruding? 

Quietly, she creeps out of the room. This wasn't for her to see.

Paolo wakes up early the next morning for work, completely unaware that someone else was in here. He's always slept in here, ever since becoming an adult. It never occurred to him that he could sleep downstairs with Sun, or put away the old photos and their bittersweet memories. 

Everything is, more or less, as it always has been in this room, except for the fact that he now sleeps alone. 

Sun calls in sick for work, feeling nauseous enough for it not to be an excuse. With Paolo gone for training for the day, Sun is jittery and on-edge in the house. 

So she does what she does best; busy work. She's found that she can't stop a task until it's really finished, just how she wants it. 

The exact precision needed in engineering soothes her and occupies her for most of the day. Why can't this be her job? She much prefers it to tending to the mostly boring and sometimes aggressive plants at the lab. Living things have a way of doing what they shouldn't be. At least when a machine breaks down, it can be fixed. A dead plant? Pft, no way. 

And at least machines don't need to eat. She has to stop her little time-suck project and get a late lunch. 

She finishes her meal quickly, but barely tastes any of it. Without something to occupy her, Sun's thoughts turn back towards reality; she's pregnant, and Paolo needs to know. 

But does he really? Maybe it's a false alarm...maybe her period's just late... 

Even as she tells herself these things, she knows it's not true. 

The sound of the door opening pulls her out of her panicked reverie. 

Oh crap, it's him, she feels her stomach drop. 

Caught between her instinct to flee and her rational decision to talk to Paolo, Sun is paralysed. Before she can make any moves, Paolo's already in her path, talking to her. 

Except she's not hearing a word he's saying. He must notice, because he suddenly stops speaking and trails off. 

"...are you alright?" 

The question is asked innocently, but it tears through Sun's immobility. Suddenly she feels irritated beyond belief. 

"Do I look okay? Gosh, Paolo! No, no I'm not!" 

Paolo stares, surprised, "What's wrong?" 

Sudden tears of frustration prick her eyes. She knows she's being irrational, but she can't seem to stop herself. 

"I...I'm pregnant and I don't know what to do!" she cries, throwing her hands up in frustration. 

Paolo can only make this panicked-happy expression. "Pregnant?" 

"Yes! Pregnant! With your baby!" she exclaims. She sighs, then pinches the bridge of her nose. 

"I-I...I always thought I'd be having kids if I were married, you know? And you and I aren't even proper boyfriend and girlfriend," she says with a sigh, "We live together and stuff, but we aren't together-together, y'know? And I feel a bit old to be a mom...but not really ready to be a mom either, and you already have Tula and Guy and you might not even want another kid...or me..." 

"Sun, wait, no, don't talk like that. Of course I want to be with you. I wanted you to move in here, right?" Paolo is quick to soothe her, "And any baby we're going to have is going to be our kid. Of course I'll love them." 

"You say that now," Sun sniffs, "But babies are a lot of work and we both work full-time and you have two other kids now..." 

Paolo takes Sun's hand, "That would never happen," he says firmly, "We'll get through this together. I promise." 

Sun looks away. She can't help but feel dread, but then again...

She has no one else. She'll have to trust Paolo. 

"Okay."